Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
