did you get engaged???
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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