All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
