ugly people sure do ruin things
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
