Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
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