meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
should my penis look like a turkey
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
