why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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