i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
