She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
