our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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