I feel like I'm in dance class right now
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
