a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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