Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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