I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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