God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
