I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
