every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
