I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
