Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Randomize
