i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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