i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
