I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
