guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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