how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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