He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
