It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He shit in the fireplace
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The adults are the big ones right?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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