what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
