goodnight i made you a song goodbye
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
This house was built for laser tag.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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