forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
