I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
