he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
