Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
