Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
