You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
