Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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