"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
