oh god the rape fog is back!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
if only i could text you this smell
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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