I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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