loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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