How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
