i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
