i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize