I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
