Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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