Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
