We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
