My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
