That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
