Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
