His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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